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“Dad, when are you going to the hardware store?”

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought this was a question to fear. And yet…

“Why?”
“I need four springs.”
[internal sigh] “Eat your breakfast.”
“But I’m going to…”
“After breakfast.”

[10 minutes later]

“Dad, I need four…”
“Are you done with your breakfast?”
“Yes.”
“What do you need four springs for?”
“Well… If I can get all the materials, I think I can build a fold-away hang glider.”

Did he say…? He did.

“How big are you planning on making this… hang glider.”

I’m guessing kite-sized. As he mentally figures out the dimensions, I can see him measuring with his arms. That’s right; it’s going to be wider than his arms’ reach. Can you say Hell, no?

“Is it going to be big enough for you to ride?”

Silence.

“And how are you going to test this?”
“It won’t be very high.”
“No.”
“Da-ad!”
[louder] “No.”
“Wh-yy?”
“It’s not safe.”
“But I won’t be that far off the ground.”
“I said no.”
Fine.”

A hang glider. Sweet Jesus Haploid Christ, a full-sized (folding!) hang glider.

“Dad?”
“Yes?”
“Forget the springs. I need some plaster and some cloth.”

[sigh] I don’t even want to know. I suspect it’s going to be a long summer…

8 Responses to ““Dad, when are you going to the hardware store?””

  1. Brian Says:

    I had a conversation like that two weeks ago.

    After I moved the trampoline against the side of the house – to mow – Older Monkey was looking at the roof above the trampoline with a gleam in his eye.

    “No.”
    But Dad ..
    “No.”
    Reese did it last summer.

    Reese is his older brother. Reese is 28 and in the Army.

    “Reese jumped from the roof to the trampoline?”
    Yes. He went up there to get the ball …

    Jesus – let a guy jump out of an airplane for a living and they get all cocky.

    “When you’re a) 18 and b) paying your own medical, then you can do it.”
    Ok.

    He won’t jump. But he also has a pretty long memory and ’18’ is only 6 years away . . .

  2. protected static Says:

    That’s pretty damn funny. I’m so glad that our yard is too small for a trampoline, otherwise I could easily see us having a similar conversation.

    Older Monkey was looking at the roof above the trampoline with a gleam in his eye.

    Tells: every parent’s secret weapon…

    Jesus – let a guy jump out of an airplane for a living and they get all cocky.

    I think that’s considered a feature, not a bug.

  3. Brian Says:

    I had a conversation like that two weeks ago.

    After I moved the trampoline against the side of the house – to mow – Older Monkey was looking at the roof above the trampoline with a gleam in his eye.

    "No."
    But Dad ..
    "No."
    Reese did it last summer.

    <i>Reese is his older brother. Reese is 28 and in the Army.</i>

    "Reese jumped from the roof to the trampoline?"
    Yes. He went up there to get the ball …

    <i>Jesus – let a guy jump out of an airplane for a living and they get all cocky.</i>

    "When you're a) 18 and b) paying your own medical, then you can do it."
    Ok.

    He won't jump. But he also has a pretty long memory and '18' is only 6 years away . . .

  4. protected static Says:

    That's pretty damn funny. I'm <em>so</em> glad that our yard is too small for a trampoline, otherwise I could easily see us having a similar conversation.

    <blockquote>Older Monkey was looking at the roof above the trampoline with a gleam in his eye.</blockquote>

    Tells: every parent's secret weapon…

    <blockquote><i>Jesus – let a guy jump out of an airplane for a living and they get all cocky.</i></blockquote>

    I think that's considered a feature, not a bug.

  5. Doug Says:

    Catching up on your blog . . .

    Sweet Jesus Haploid Christ

    I always wondered about the H. It makes so much sense now!

  6. protected static Says:

    Doesn’t it, though?

  7. Doug Says:

    Catching up on your blog . . .

    <blockquote>Sweet Jesus Haploid Christ</blockquote>

    I always wondered about the H. It makes so much sense now!

  8. protected static Says:

    Doesn't it, though?

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